Malaya ka, Ako Hindi

Malaya ang pag-ibig Malayang umibig Malayang masaktan Malayang manakit Malayang tanawin ang mga bagay sa paligid May kalayaang magpa-alala ng hapdi, gigil, pait. Buong pusong sinalubong ang malaya mong pagdating Na akala ko noo'y mananatiing hindi magagapi Subalit malaya ang pag-ibig Malaya kang umalis Lumisan nang walang pangako ng pagbabalik Pagdating mo'y kay bilis Pagtalikod mo'y kay bilis din Kaya ngayon, Saan kita hahanapin Saang parte ng himpapawid Kung bakit ba kasi malaya Kung bakit ba kasi lumaya Iginapos naman kita sa tali ng pag-ibig Ngunit pilit pa ring nagpumiglas ang puso mo't isip At mas piniling lumipad Hinayaan akong lamunin ng panaginip Malaya ang pag-big Malayang maglagalag at hanapin ang sarili Malayang makipagkilala sa iba pang uri ng pag-ibig At malaya ring limutin ang nakasanayang tinig Malaya ka Pero hindi parin kitag kayan palayain Pagkat itinuro mong maging malaya Pero hindi ko natutunan ang magparaya Kaya't martir mang ituring, hihintayin parin kita. Maghihintay sa tuwina Hanggang ang kalayaan ay hindi ko na kilala.

Si Nag-iisa

Nang ang NAGMAMAHAL ay naging NAG-IISA, Bumigat ang kanyang mga paa, Nawala ang dating saya Hindi na makitaan ng dating sigla Ipinipikit na niya ang kanyang mga mata Tuwing daraanan ang dating tagpuan Ang dating kinakainan Ang dating lugar na masaya nilang nilalampasan Ang mga lugar na At ngayon, ang nag iisa ay nanatiling mag-isa Ipinipikit parin ang mga mata Sa tuwing daraanan ang mga lugar na dating puno ng pagmamahalan Na dating makabuluhan Minsan natanong ko sa sarili ko, Pumikit rin kaya sia Naiisip niya rin kaya ako Paano ang mga lugar naming dalawa Mayroon parin kayang halaga sa kanya Kung magkaganun mang wala na,

Every day I die

After long years,
He's still in love with me,
And I fell in love with him again - the one I've hurt before
The one who hated me the most
We become together again.
Hoping that our love story will have a happy ending

But for those around us,
There should never be a second chance
For a liar
For a cheater like me
There is no room for second chance, they shouted
But for him, that's totally fine
He doesn't care

Until, he suddenly forgot to hold my hand
To touch my face
To kiss my hand
To be the same as he promises to be
To be the one who will never go away from me
Until one day, he listened to them
He's slowly changing his mind,
His thoughts, his heart
Until one day, I know him no more
The saddest thing is,
I fear that one day he'll go to me and tell the same thing his friends said against me
That I am a liar,
A cheater..and should not have given the second chance

I fell in love again with the one I've hurt before
I fell in love with the one who hated me the most
And I can't resist..
Coz even he's a;ready out of my life,
I'll still fall in love with him, again and again,
Coz I learned to love him the hard way
And it will be the hardest to forget him
Coz he never thought me how

I fell in love again with the one I've hurt before
And every day, I die.

Nung bata ako,
Takot na takot akong sumakay sa escalator
Pag nasa mall, tapos kailangang umakyat sa mas mataas na palapag,
Mas minabubuti kong gumamit nalang ng hagdan
kasi ang tuhod ko't mga paa ay hindi pa ganoon katatag
Hindi pa ganun ka panatag
Hanggang sa isang beses,
Sinubukan ko,
Kumapit ako ng mahigpit sa kamay ni tatay
Dahan dahan kaming inakyat ng escalator At tandang tanda ko nun,
Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko't kalamnan
Pero masaya akong nakangiti nang makaabot sa paroroonan
Kasi hindi binitiwan ni tatay ang aking mga kamay Itong mga kamay,
Na ganun din kahigpit mong hinahawakan pag nasa mall tayo
Pag naka sakay sa escaltor habang nakaakbay Nawawala yung takot ko pag hinahawakan mo ko Nawawala yung kaba ko pag nginingitian mo ko Nawawala lahat ng pangamba sa puso ko pag ikaw ang nasa tabi ko Natutunan kitang mahalin Pero bakit ganun Bakit ngayon pag aakyat tayo ng escalator, di mo na mahawakan ang mga kamay ko, Nanginginig na ulit yung tuhod ko Kasi di kna nagsasalita pag naglalakad tayo Anong meron mahal ko Minsan sabi ni tatay, Anak, kapit Pero tay pano ako kakapit kung sia pabitaw na Kung kelan ok na ko Sia naman tong nanlamig na

Nung Araw na Dumating Ka (Spoken word)

Nung araw na dumating ka sa buhay ko
Isa lamang iyong ordinaryong araw sa kalendaryo
Na hindi ko minarkahan kasi wala namang espesyal na okasyon para bilugan ko yun

Nung araw na dumating ka,
Nakakain naman ako nang maayos,
nalunok ko naman ang kinakain ko at di ako nabulunan.

Nung araw na dumating ka, nakatulog ako ng mahimbing
kasi wala namang dahilan para magising sa madaling araw at magdamag kang isipin.

Nung araw na dumating ka,
Hindi ka isang artista na pinilihan ko't nagkandarapang makausap makita
Isa ka lang libro na nakatambak sa aklatan ko at hindi ko kailanman maiisipang buksan ang mga pahina nito.

Isa kang pelikula na hinding hindi ko panonoorin
Kasi isa kang horror movie
Nakakatakot kang mahalin
Baka kasi pagkatapos ng palabas o di kaya'y sa kalagitnaan pa lang ay bigla akong himatayin

Isa kang damit
na hinding hindi ko susuotin kasi maluwag o di kaya nama'y bitin

Isa kang sapatos na hindi ko rin susuotin
Kasi ayoko ng kulay, ayoko sa tingin.

Nung araw na dumating ka,
Wala, wala talaga!

Nung araw na dumating ka, walang espesyal sa ating pagkikita
Pero matapos ang araw na dumating ka,
Nagbalik ka
Nanatili
Hindi ka umalis
Paulit-ulit kang nagpakita.
Sa paligid ko'y nanatili ka.
Iyang mga ngiti
Iyang mga titig
Hindi sa akin mawaglit

Hindi ko alam kung sadya bang palakaibigan ka lamang O di kaya nama'y gusto mo lang talaga akong pagtripan Pero ano man ang 'yong dahilan, alam mo bang wala na akong pakialam? Kasi ngayon,gustong gusto ko nang minamarkahan ang bawat petsa sa kalendaryo.
Bawat petsang magkasama tayo.
Gustong gusto ko nang bilugan ang bawat numero ng mga araw na nginingitian at tinititigan mo ako
Nakakain naman ako nang maayos,
nalulunok ko pa naman ang mga kinakain ko pero paminsan minsa'y nabubulunan na ako.
Pati kasi sa hapag kainan ay naalala ko ang mga ngiti mo, kaya napapangiti narin ako.

Nakakatulog pa naman ako sa gabi pero hindi na ganoon kahimbing
Bigla bigla nalang kasi akong nagigising tapos titingala sa kisame at mapapangiti
Madalas na kasi akong managinip
Managinip nang kasama ka, na sana'y totoo, sana'y magkatotoo pa.

Nung araw na nanatili ka,
Nahigitan mo pa ang isang artista na pipilahan makausap makita
Isa ka na ngayong libro na hindi na natutulog sa aklatan ko Kasi gustong gusto ko nang buklatin ang bawat pahina mo, gustong gusto ko nang tuklasin at bawat kuwit at tuldok nito Wala mang makikitang mga litrato, babasahin at babasahin ko parin.

Isa kang pelikula na ngayon ay handa ko nang panonoorin
Kahit horror movie ka pa, samahan mo pa ng maligno, engkanto, tiktik manananggal at kung ano ano pa
Hinding hindi na ako matatakot na mahalin ka, este panoorin ka
At tatapusin ko ang palabas, kahit gaano man to kahina,(turo sa puso) Hindi ako hihimatayin, matatakot siguro sa una pero matutunan kong kontrolin ang bawat paghinga kasama ka

Ngayo'y isa ka nang damit
na paulit uli ko nang susuotin maluwag man o di kaya nama'y bitin

Isa ka nang sapatos na kahihiligan kong suotin
Kahit ayoko ng kulay pero maganda rin pala sa paningin.

Matutuhan kong gawin ang mga bagay na dati'y hindi ko kayang gawin, mahalin

Nung araw na dumating ka, ibang iba yun sa araw na nanatili ka
Nung araw na nanatili ka, ayaw ko nang magbalik sa mga araw na wala ka

Kaya nga itong tula, ay di ko na alam kung paano wakasan pa
Kasi walang wakas
Walang wakas sa ating istorya
At kung sakali mang dumating ang pagkakataon na sadyain ng tadhanang tuldukan ang dulo ng ating mga salita
Isa lamang aking pakiusap sinta
Ikaw nalang ang magmarka
sa araw na ikay mapagod na
Kasi ako, patuloy ko paring mamarkahan ang bawat petsa na sa ala-ala ko'y nanatili ka.
Ikaw man ay mag-iba.

Hoy, Makinig ka!

Gusto kong ipakita sayo na malakas ako
Gusto kong isipin mo na di ako apektado
Gusto kong iparamdam sayo na okay lang ako
Ta mo, nakakangiti na ko...
Ngingiti at ngingit lang ako
Kasi ayaw kong makita mong nanghihina ako
Hinang hina ako
Pero hinding hindi ko yun ipapaalam sayo
Kasi ayaw kong maging talunan sa laban na to
Ako ang iniwan
Pero hindi ako talunan

Kasi dadating ang panahon
Na malalaman mong isa akong malaking kawalan
Hanggang dito nalang paalam!

P.S. Pakasaya ka!

Paslangin ma’y di mabubuyo

Nanghihina ba't balisa ang iyong puso?
Tumatangis nang lubos sa pagkakabigo?
Kaibigan, tugma sa iyo ang tulang ito.
Basahi’t damhin ang bawat punto.

Nilisan mo’y “bayang gulo”,
Pinatawad ka’t nilnis ng dugo ni Kristo
Hinayo’t tangan Kanyang Ebanghelyo
Sa munting pagkakahapo’y agad ka nang susuko?

Paano silang sa dilim ay bilanggo?
Hinahanap ang liwanag sa pamamagitan mo.
Mananatili na lamang bang lugmok at nakaupo,
Kung isa-isa na silang bulang naglalaho?

Bumangon,kumilos na’t tumayo.
Kristyano ka’t ito ang buhay mo!
Mangaral at lumaban huwag pagagapo
Tiyaking paslangin ma’y hindi mabubuyo.

His Cadet Girl (Send my Love to Heaven) [A short story]

“Permission to talk sir!”

“Why?”

“To join your platoon, sir!”

“Talk!”

“Cadet Private Nuevo, Rhian G. asking permission to join your platoon, Sir!”

“Join!”

She was the girl who caught his eyes - smart, jolly and quite active in class. She loved to write poems and short stories, to act, declaim and orate. She joined several competitions that made her more popular in school. She kept attending church services every Sunday and had always been a kind and loving daughter. But the way people saw Rhian Nuevo was so much different from the way Carlo Sebastian did.

They were both second-year high school when Carlo began to notice Rhian. The boy was not that active in class and preferred to sit at the back, where no one could notice him. He didn’t want to read notes, instead relied on his stocked knowledge. He had always wanted to wear his camouflage uniform like other cadet officers did. Unlike Rhian, he doesn’t go to church, instead loved to play basketball and hang out on gyms. He was not in the same section where that girl belonged, that’s why he remained contented on just looking at her - the way her hair dances while carrying her big red backpack and another big black handbag every 6 in the morning, even though her class would start at 7; the way she passed the corridor in front of his room, running dreamily; the way she giggled excitedly, showing her not-so-deep dimples when she would buy her favorite Cloud 9 at the school canteen with her foot socks on; her sweet smile that showed when she ran after her teacher who left a phone from the last class; the way she held a broom and played with it while acting like a majorette; even the way she sat all alone holding her pen and staring at her blank sheet of paper. She always looked amazing for Carlo.

As days passed by, Rhian’s childish acts up to the smallest things started registering in Carlo’s mind. He couldn’t help himself to silently admire that smart - weird girl. In fact, it had always been a relief seeing her alone, knowing that she was not with someone else. Months and years passed by and he never did a thing and became silent for what he really felt. Until their last yet memorable year in high school came.

He thought that it would be just an ordinary year for him though he was already a Senior CAT officer after a year of advanced training. But that girl that he used to keep his eyes on belonged to the class that he was assigned to officiate. How he wanted to shout that moment when he saw her with her classmates waiting for him. But of course, he forced himself to shut his mouth and kept that feeling again and again.

The first training day up to the last gave moments to cherish - as friends for the girl, but as a special someone for the boy. Her errors while on their march, her mistakes while holding her rifle, the moment he slapped Rhian’s hands when she was late (that made him blush the whole day), and that shocking second when he caught her looking back at him while he was teaching another cadet far from her platoon (that made him blush even more).

One night, the young officer checked his Facebook account. One new person added him as a friend and sent him a message which made him scream with no voice. It was Rhian! To his surprise, he accidentally pulled out the plug of his PC. It took him a minute to reboot the computer. He then immediately accepted Rhian’s request.

Before he even tried to pull up another window, a message flashed.

“Hi, Sir! :)” It was Rhian! The message causes him to almost fall off his seat.

“Why?” pretending that he was too busy to give time for her, but deep inside he was about to explode.

“Nothing Sir. I just wanna say good evening :).”

“Is that all?” he asked.

“Sir, wait! Why is your profile picture an anime character? Don’t you have any plans to show your face?” her bully question started to come up.

“I am not fond of taking pictures of myself,” he briefly replied.

From that night on, he always checked his account and kept on waiting for the girl’s message. Every duty time, the girl kept on smiling to him but he always prefers to give her a nod in return for the girl not to see his blushing face.

They had their last conversation a week before the graduation, which also became the last. The talk which was supposed to be the happiest moment, but became the saddest one for Carlo, for he was not able to say goodbye in person to the one he admired for years. On the same day, he found out through her friends that Rhian went out of town to study in college. Carlo still tried to contact her but got no reply. A month after graduation, he decided to accept his Uncle’s advice: to study at Dumaguete City. To get out of the melancholic feeling their place gave him, and to forget everything about the cadet girl.

After two years, Carlo went back to his hometown. He didn’t finish his course as a Seaman because he found it difficult to continue. So he transferred to another university, got himself a new course and new classmates.

Yes, it’s been two years and many things had changed his life. But one thing remained the same - his memory of this one girl he thought would eventually disappear as time passed by. But unfortunately, his memory of her remained unforgettable.

Carlo’s first day in his new school gave him no shock, the same as before. He’s now taking up Industrial Engineering. He just smiled to people but never talked to them. Again, silent as before.

While he was sitting outside the gymnasium waiting for his professor, Carlo saw a familiar face - a girl turned out into a lovely lady that she could never forget.

“Nuevo!” he shouted in excitement.

The girl looked back at the sound of her last name. That was when she saw Carlo.

“Sir!” she exclaimed and immediately ran to her officer.

That day became refreshment for both of them. From that moment, Carlo promised himself that he would never let go of Rhian anymore. They talked more than they used to. They exchanged cell phone numbers and started going to the university together. And since they lived on the same barangay, they went home together after classes.

Carlo learned what really happened to Rhian. She went to a theology school and was not allowed to go home until she finishes the course. She worked full time in the ministry and served the Lord with all her heart. But her body was not able to survive the work, so she was advised to go back home and take a rest. She was expected to be back that year but her parents decided not to let her due to her condition. Instead, they enrolled her at a secular school and took up Journalism.

Carlo told Rhian how long he waited for her to reply to his chats and text messages. He told her about his experiences for the past two years. But Rhian explained that she was not able to visit her account since the day she left their town. Her phone was also surrendered to the university office.

After that, they’ve started to go out together. Months later, Rhian intended to show and reveal her true feelings about Carlo - that she likes him ever since they were in high school - and that moment took silence to get over.

On the other day, after class, Carlo decided to unleash his unspoken words for Rhian that he kept for years. They both laughed at themselves for that moment. Now, they knew that they have the same feelings for each other, feelings that they’re going to cherish more.

The girl who always caught his eyes was finally a part of his life - they spent time together, get to know each other deeply, and knew both relatives and peers - they shared laughter and tears. A lot of challenges came but love bound them together that made their relationship stronger - more than they’ve expected.

They finished their degrees and got their jobs. They counted for years before they finally decided to get married. They had their angel named Magne and lived simple but full of love. They kept on serving God no matter what.

After 5 years, they lived a stable life. Carlo became the manager of the biggest factory in the Philippines while Rhian established a photography shop and covered events on her own. Their daughter Magne was now ready for school after summer.


OOO

It was a very good morning for Magne. She woke up early that day because they were going to the beach. She waited two months for this trip. She got out of her bed, gathered all her stuff and went to her parent’s room to wake them up. But it seemed that they were already downstairs so she went down to them.

Magne found no one in the house. When she was about to open the main door, her Lola opened it from the outside. She hugged her Lola and asked her where her parents were.

“Lola, they promised we’ll go to the beach, but where are they?” Then she started to cry out loud.

“Sweetie, your mom is sick and your dad brought her in the hospital,” the old woman replied.

Later that night, Carlo and Rhian came back home. Magne immediately hugged her mom and looked straight into her eyes.

“Mom, can we still go to the beach?” she asked.

Rhian just kissed her on her cheeks and Carlo answered for her, “Mom is already tired honey. We’ll go next time. Go to your bed and take a rest. We love you so much honey,” as he kissed her child’s forehead with tears.

The next day the little girl woke up. She went to the master’s bedroom and saw her dad lying beside her mom.

“Your mom still needs to take some rest, sweetie,” Carlo said to Magne and they both went out of the room.

The next day, Carlo came back with two big envelopes on his hands and tears fell on his face as he saw his wife came near him.

His daughter rushed to his daddy and asked, “Daddy, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Rhian also started to cry.

“Mom, Dad, what’s wrong?” Magne repeated.

“Nothing honey,” and they hugged their sweet angel with tears falling on their faces.

Magne didn’t actually understand any of those but what’s clear was that her mom and dad kept on going to the doctor - almost every day.

Few days later, Magne went to wake up her Mommy. She brought her drawing of their happy family she made. But her mom wasn’t in her bed. Her pillow was full of hair. Still she placed her drawing in her mom’s bed hoping that it would make her feel better. She scanned the room and saw hairs all over the floor. She saw her mom at the bathroom vomiting.
Everything in their house changed. Still, the little girl couldn’t understand the changes but she knew that there was something wrong. Every night, she kept on praying,

“God, please make things the same as before. Make them good again and I promise I won’t ask for the beach anymore.”

Days passed by, Rhian was still in the hospital almost every day. She kept on taking medicine. Every time she was in their house, she was always inside her room beside her loving child. Carlo also took a leave and turned over his businesses to his right hand. He spent all of his time beside his wife while playing with Magne. Carlo loved his wife so much that he stayed strong for her - for their child.

“God knows how long I’ve waited for you to be mine. That’s why I am afraid of losing you once more,” Carlo said with tears falling from his eyes while holding Rhian’s hands.

“Don’t be afraid, Carlo. You don’t have any reason to feel that way. This is not an accident, this is God’s plan”, Rhian comforted him. “He gave us Magne as a fruit of our love, our everlasting joy”.

Until one night, Magne woke up because of her Mom terribly screaming in torment. She saw her Dad crying while holding her Mom’s hands trying to relieve the pain. The innocent girl rushed to his Dad’s side and asked,

“Dad, what’s going on with Mom?”

Her Dad didn’t reply. Minutes later, Rhian finally recovered. She immediately looked to Magne and asked her to sit beside her.

“I am going to a far place my child”, she said to her daughter with tears in her eyes.

“But you’re coming back soon, right?”

“That’s my prayer - to be back and to be with you much longer, to take care of you and your Dad ‘til you get older”, then big tears rolled down her cheeks as she hugged her tight for a minute.

“Mom, stop crying. I don’t understand”, Magne said in confusion.

“Take care of yourself, my angel. You’re a big girl now. I am sorry if I won’t make it to your 7th birthday. But please, always be a marvelous and obedient daughter to Daddy. Keep your grades high in your first year of school. I am proud of you, sweetheart. I love you and your Dad. I will miss you”, she told Magne softly while gasping out of breath and trying to comfort her child.

Grandma took Magne and let her sleep. That midnight, Carlo woke up to see his wife. But before Carlo could say a word,

“What if I die today? Will you go with me?” Rhian asked his husband seriously.

It took Carlo a minute before he finally answered.

“If God permits Rhian, I will. I’ll be with you up to eternity.”

“Then I want to sleep now honey”, Rhian whispered to Carlo while catching her breath.

“Please don’t leave me. How can I live without you?” Carlo insisted.

“I love you so much. You can go with me,” Rhian’s last words.

The next day, Magne woke up and saw her Dad crying kneeled down on the floor. She looked at the bed of her mom but she found no one.

“Dad, where’s Mom?” she asked.

“Listen honey, Mom’s gone for a trip”, Carlo tried to speak while crying, gasping for breath.

“I know but when is she coming back? I already miss her,” Magne replied.

“This time, Mom’s trip is taking her a long time and she’s not coming back,” Carlo told his daughter and hugged her so tight.


OOO

After a year, it was summer again. Magne woke up and rushed to her Dad’s room. That was the day they were scheduled to go to the beach. When she entered the room, she saw her Dad staring at a picture frame while lying on his bed crying.

“Dad, let’s go. It’s time for the beach.”

“Daddy’s not feeling well, we can have it next week.”

“But you’ve promised,” she said. “Please, Dad I want to go, please!”

“I said no!” Carlo growled in irritation.

Magne was shocked as she first heard her Dad shouted at her.

“I hate you, Daddy! I hate you!” Magne screamed in anger. She ran downstairs and went out of the house.

Carlo tried to catch her and ran after her. But on the second street, a car came by to his direction and accidentally hit him hard, causing him to flip over the front windshield of the car. When Magne heard the car crashed, she looked back and saw his Dad’s body covered with blood. She couldn’t say a word and remained frozen until she totally blacked out.

OOO

In a glimpse of an eye, Carlo was finally with Rhian. It took many years for them to love their only child but took only seconds to say goodbye. Magne blamed herself for her father’s death and wished to pause the day and time or even to slow it down for her to hold her parent’s hands a little longer to tell them how much she loved them.

Magne still survived alone with the help of her relatives. She took over all of her parent’s businesses after she graduated in College which made her earn a lot. She learned to live by faith as her parents did and shared everything she has. She became an active sponsor of over 14 charities in the Philippines and didn’t have any plan of having her own family. She couldn’t blame her parents for wishing to be together again but deep inside she’s still broken because she finally understood that everything won’t be the same again.

One day she visited her parents and in front of their grave, she felt the pain of yesterday. She can hardly breathe. Magne brought with her a bottle full of papers with all her letters for her mom and dad written every special occasion of her life. She decided to leave that bottle at their grave as a symbol of accepting the reality that her parents will never come back. But before she left, she opened the bottle and wrote her last letter in a paper saying,

“LORD, SEND MY LOVE TO HEAVEN.”


OOO
“That’s the end of our story today young boys and girls. Thank you, Sisters, for inviting me here. I hope to see you on my next visit. Again, I am Ms. Magne N. Sebastian and you can call me, Magne.”

She stood up from her chair, gave her last smile before heading to the door.

As soon as she got passed the classroom, she then let a tear fall from her eyes. She let it fall once more, after years of holding it back.

A Rebel’s POV (declamation piece)

Ladies and gentleman let me introduce myself
I am a blank sheet of paper void of understanding
Useless and nothing

I am nothing
I am hated

And I couldn’t blame people for seeing me like this
Coz in the first place, this is me
With this rugged look with hobbies of breaking curfews and rules, a bastard, stupid, defying the norms
I feel so comfortable
And they called me a rebel

I remember when I was 5
We’re at the mall and I’m looking at a doll a beautiful doll with a golden hair dreaming it to be mine.
I picked it and started loving it.
But my sister saw it
She then started to tell mom and dad that she wants it too
But since it was the last stock, I am forced to give it
And they told me, “Its okay, pick another one for you.”

Then I say, I understand

I remember the day when my younger brother punched my face
Then I slapped him harder
Instead of asking why,
Mom bit me at her hardest without even looking at me in the eyes then I started to cry.
Coz if only she looked me in the eyes, then she can also read the reason why
Why I act like that
Why I’m used to that
To this
To this fake me

Then I say, I understand

I remember the day when I was in high school, a boy kissed me on my cheeks
And I was terribly afraid coz I know what will happen next
And I was right
My classmates told mom about it and still, she didn’t look at me in the eyes. Instead, when we got home, she brought me into their room and started beating me the best way that she could careless of where it would hit me.
Then I started to yell and yell, asking anyone for help but no one rescued me. I’m gasping out of breath, wishing for death. But no one helped me.

Then I say, I understand

Remember when I was in college,
I bought myself a cell phone and spent the whole day with it
Playing games, texting boys
Listening to music to avoid their voice
Then one night, I went home late with group of guys
Guys who taught me how to use a stick and told me to do this
Guys who handed me a glass and drank with me like this
Guys who can only hear my voice me that time
That night, due to dad’s anger accusing me that I’m an addict
He grabbed my phone on my hand and got a hammer
Then to my surprise, I saw my phone in pieces
He hammered it while
Asking with tears why, why I act like that
Then I stopped
At last, he asked me why.
But that time, I was not able to answer coz he beat me once again, again, again and again
Since then, I used to looked at my scars every time and count them one by one
And little by little, I cannot feel the pain
“Coz I’m used to it.

Then I say, I do not understand


Now that I’m old enough to take care of myself
I’m tired of counting the scars, putting band aids on my head, wiping blood from my lips
And I can’t help myself but to just look down and weep
“Coz all I want is attention
But you know what I’ve realized,
That one of these days, rain will come pouring
That sunshine, blue sky morning will someday turn to gray
And I’m still a daughter and I can’t do anything about it
But questions will remain
Like how can I listen?
When it's me that they don’t listen to
Like how will they feel that I am doing everything just to please them?
When they always think that I do not.
How will they feel the pain in me?
When they only think the of the pain in them
How will they ever feel that I’m a daughter?
When they look at me helpless and nothing
When will they realize that life is short?
To let them feel that I need a family and a home

And to you who can hear my voice right now.
I just want you to know that this world is made out of sugar that dissolves so easily. But don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
Coz this world is for everybody regardless of who you are and who you’ve become. They can stick their silly labels on my back but don’t they ever dare to stare at me ‘coz I am not hiding anymore.

I am a blank sheet of a paper void of understanding useless and nothing.
I’m used to it and I loved it.

Then I say, Welcome to the world of unwanted.

Patawad - Mahal kita (spoken word)

Kapag sinabi kong mahal kita,
Nag mimistulang inaangkin ko ang pribadong mundo ng kasalukuyn mong pagkatao...
Kaya sa pagkakataong ito, hinihingi ko ang patawad mo.

Patawarin mo ako --- MAHAL KITA..

Mahal kita sa paraang umiikot ang mundo ko sa lahat ng alaala mo,
Sa lahat ng iniwan mong bakas mula nang magkakilala tayo..
Mahal kita sa paraang hindi ko nilimot ang mga ngiti mo't pagtawa..
Ang pagsimangot mo't pagluha..
Mahal kita kaya hindi ako bumitaw noong mga panahong paglakad mo papalayo ang aking tinatanaw..
Mahal kita --kahit na naging imposible na..
Pero mas minahal kita nung napatunayan kong posible pa pala...

Kaya sa iyong pagbalik, Patawarin mo parin ako --- MAHAL KITA..

Pagkat ngayon ay hinding hindi kana makakawala pa..
Ikukulong kita sa puso kong may kandado na.
Na ang susi ay itinapon ko na...
Ikukulong kita sa init ng bisig ko nang sa gayo'y manatili ka rito at hindi na muling maglagalag pa..
Patawarin mo ako dahil hindi kita kayang muling mawala..
Kaya mahal - manatili ka!
Inuulit ko, patawarin mo ako, sa pagmamahal sayo ..
Sa muli't muling pagmamahal sayo...
Mahal kita at salamat, nagbalik ka.