A Rebel’s POV (declamation piece)

Ladies and gentleman let me introduce myself
I am a blank sheet of paper void of understanding
Useless and nothing

I am nothing
I am hated

And I couldn’t blame people for seeing me like this
Coz in the first place, this is me
With this rugged look with hobbies of breaking curfews and rules, a bastard, stupid, defying the norms
I feel so comfortable
And they called me a rebel

I remember when I was 5
We’re at the mall and I’m looking at a doll a beautiful doll with a golden hair dreaming it to be mine.
I picked it and started loving it.
But my sister saw it
She then started to tell mom and dad that she wants it too
But since it was the last stock, I am forced to give it
And they told me, “Its okay, pick another one for you.”

Then I say, I understand

I remember the day when my younger brother punched my face
Then I slapped him harder
Instead of asking why,
Mom bit me at her hardest without even looking at me in the eyes then I started to cry.
Coz if only she looked me in the eyes, then she can also read the reason why
Why I act like that
Why I’m used to that
To this
To this fake me

Then I say, I understand

I remember the day when I was in high school, a boy kissed me on my cheeks
And I was terribly afraid coz I know what will happen next
And I was right
My classmates told mom about it and still, she didn’t look at me in the eyes. Instead, when we got home, she brought me into their room and started beating me the best way that she could careless of where it would hit me.
Then I started to yell and yell, asking anyone for help but no one rescued me. I’m gasping out of breath, wishing for death. But no one helped me.

Then I say, I understand

Remember when I was in college,
I bought myself a cell phone and spent the whole day with it
Playing games, texting boys
Listening to music to avoid their voice
Then one night, I went home late with group of guys
Guys who taught me how to use a stick and told me to do this
Guys who handed me a glass and drank with me like this
Guys who can only hear my voice me that time
That night, due to dad’s anger accusing me that I’m an addict
He grabbed my phone on my hand and got a hammer
Then to my surprise, I saw my phone in pieces
He hammered it while
Asking with tears why, why I act like that
Then I stopped
At last, he asked me why.
But that time, I was not able to answer coz he beat me once again, again, again and again
Since then, I used to looked at my scars every time and count them one by one
And little by little, I cannot feel the pain
“Coz I’m used to it.

Then I say, I do not understand


Now that I’m old enough to take care of myself
I’m tired of counting the scars, putting band aids on my head, wiping blood from my lips
And I can’t help myself but to just look down and weep
“Coz all I want is attention
But you know what I’ve realized,
That one of these days, rain will come pouring
That sunshine, blue sky morning will someday turn to gray
And I’m still a daughter and I can’t do anything about it
But questions will remain
Like how can I listen?
When it's me that they don’t listen to
Like how will they feel that I am doing everything just to please them?
When they always think that I do not.
How will they feel the pain in me?
When they only think the of the pain in them
How will they ever feel that I’m a daughter?
When they look at me helpless and nothing
When will they realize that life is short?
To let them feel that I need a family and a home

And to you who can hear my voice right now.
I just want you to know that this world is made out of sugar that dissolves so easily. But don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
Coz this world is for everybody regardless of who you are and who you’ve become. They can stick their silly labels on my back but don’t they ever dare to stare at me ‘coz I am not hiding anymore.

I am a blank sheet of a paper void of understanding useless and nothing.
I’m used to it and I loved it.

Then I say, Welcome to the world of unwanted.